The Script

Table of Contents:

About the Author


After months of putting up with the annoying and gross antics of Burt (David William Cabrera), four breakfast regulars at a local diner (Bryan Power, Bruce Linser, Mike Kebe and Elisabeth Boggio) decide that the only way to rid themselves of this menace is murder.

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BURT (David William Cabrera) sits in a diner, chewing a sweet roll with his mouth open, big eyes staring at the other diners. He licks his fingers, wipes them on his clothes. Wipes his runny nose, wipes his hands on his clothes again.

He's the diner customer from hell.

Burt gets up, wanders around the diner, and begins talking -- uninvited -- to other customers, bothering them, lecturing them, annoying and infuriating them: HARRY (Bryan Power), a lawyer; PAUL (Bruce Linser), an effeminate business guy, and squeaky clean MIKE and KRISTIN (Michael Kebe, Elisabeth Boggio), a young couple reminiscent of Ken and Barbie.

No matter how they protest, Burt lectures them in his infuriating monotone, rattling on and on about nothing. They can't hide from Burt; insults don't work; he's inescapable. He even follows Harry and Paul into the men's room and lectures to them there.

Finally, Harry, Paul, Mike and Kristin have a council of war. They can't take it anymore. There's only one solution: Burt has to go. The only question is how.

Their first idea is to hire a hit man. Criminal lawyer Harry locates LEO, a low-level not very successful hit man (Lorenzo Toledo), and offers him money to bump off Burt. Leo agrees.

But the morning after the scheduled hit, Burt is back in the diner! Leo the hit man has disappeared.

The four meet again. One final solution -- they'll have to bump off Burt themselves. They draw lots, and Paul is it. He goes to Burt's house to do the job, and the next morning at the diner Paul's not there, and Burt is back!

Next, it's Mike and Kristin's turn. They, too, go to Burt's house to get rid of him. And, just as with Paul, the next morning they are nowhere to be seen, but Burt is back in the diner.

Now it's all up to Harry. That evening, he loads his gun and goes to Burt's house. Burt's not there. Harry prowls around, and makes an amazing discovery…

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About the Author…

Malcolm McClintick grew up reading books and watching movies. Fascinated by writing, he wrote short stories in high school and wrote his class play.

He was educated at Indiana University, where he edited a student newspaper, took advanced writing courses, and wrote a television script.

After three years in the Army (as, of all things, an electronics technician and instructor), he returned to IU, became a lawyer, and spent a year as a state public defender, then went to work as a law editor.

Bored with editing, he soon began writing mystery and detective stories, selling them to Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine and Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine. Eventually he sold four mystery novels about detective George Kelso -- MARY'S GRAVE, THE KEY, DEATH OF AN OLD FLAME, and JOE NIX IS DEAD (Doubleday). His story "Kelso's Christmas" appeared in several Christmas mystery anthologies, "Kelso at the Voodoo Museum" was the cover story in an issue of Hitchcock's Magazine, and "Kelso's Ghost" was recommended for the Mystery Writers of America Edgar Award.

Turning to screenwriting, McClintick sold two short scripts and wrote several feature scripts. Sitting in a restaurant one morning, he got the idea for BUMPING OFF BURT when he noticed several regular customers being more or less bothered by one or two other customers (not nearly as obnoxious or gross as "Burt"), and began imagining what it might be like if the regulars got so infuriated that they couldn't take it anymore.

He recently finished a horror feature called CEMETERY, and just completed another comedy feature called MOMMA'S HEAD ON A PLATTER.

McClintick is married and has one cat. His wife Jeanette has a Ph.D. in genetics and is a fantastic cook.

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The Script  
The Cast
The Crew
Production Notes